we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
