glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
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