can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize