Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
whose parrot is this?
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
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