I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I am one with the molecules
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
