Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
