I feel great
I just peed on a car
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
