I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Randomize