please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
My vagina is officially offended.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
