It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
