Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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