Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
