what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
