I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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