You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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