I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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