similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
