Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize