CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
