atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Randomize
