I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
