Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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