kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
