This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
