he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
