She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I think i got beer on your cat.
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