No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
