it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
