We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
