Non-Jews are for practice
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Drunk is a universal language darling
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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