took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Why did my mother make you get naked?
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