we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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