billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize