Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
