I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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