either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Can't talk, ducks in the car
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