So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
