It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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