Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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