Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
don't judge my taste in strippers
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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