My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
