It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
being pregnant is like rehab
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
