Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
MIDGETS
????
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
