shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
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