saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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