Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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