We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
