I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize
