I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
