My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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