So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
