Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
