no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Randomize
