I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
