I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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