so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
