Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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