the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
