Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
