I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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