...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
