My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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