If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
