but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
