anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
