This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
