so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
