I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
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