he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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