Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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