I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Randomize
