Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
