I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
