i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
