Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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