I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
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