it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
