he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
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