AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
