the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize