direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize