Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
