would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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