I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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