So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
