Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Randomize
