My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize