I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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