I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize