i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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