Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
