Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
