Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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