I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
