Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
