If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
