also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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