He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Randomize