My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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