i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
