i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
