I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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