one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
